she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
