I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
