The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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