I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
