stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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