I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The adults are the big ones right?
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