I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
