should my penis look like a turkey
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I would fuck him just for his dog
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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