It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
