I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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