I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
