I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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