That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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