what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
