what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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