Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
