Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
