Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
