They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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