Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Duck Duck Cougar?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
