Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
