I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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