Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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