Midget sex pt 2 tonight
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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