Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
