I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
