He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
