Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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