On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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