he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
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The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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