just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
