I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
