I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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