Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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