Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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