youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
