You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
