My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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