what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
