so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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