I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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