Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
where are you?
Hypothermia
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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