I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
