i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
