I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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