I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
