so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
