watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
