the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
