If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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