quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
