Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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