we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
