Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
