I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
