Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
