my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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