Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
