What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
