Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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