to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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