You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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