I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
