so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
