So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
