Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize