my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
