yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
