apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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