watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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