I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
