you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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