I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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