just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
